Change is Bittersweet
With the end of summer and beginning of the school year, change is in the air. It’s not just the change in seasons; it’s also the change in routine, from a less structured routine with more free time and adventures to the more structured routine of the school year. This is true whether it’s your child’s first year of nursery school or first year of college.
At times change may involve a sense of loss. With the passage of time, things don’t stay the same, even as much as we may want them to.
And, there can also be sweetness: the sweetness of having loved and enjoyed that stage of your life and watching your family members grow and develop. The bittersweet feeling reflects how deeply you care about your children and can be a opportunity for growth, even if it might not feel that way right now.
As difficult as it may be, allow the sadness to come. Even if everyone is doing what they’re supposed to be doing and moving along in a developmentally appropriate ways, you might feel grief. Grief comes in waves. Let it surface, be with it, and it will recede, allowing you to feel ok again. There’s a type of Japanese pottery known as “Kintsugi” that repairs broken pieces with gold. Even if we feel broken at times, healing can make us stronger and put our lives back together beautifully.
It’s also good to know where the sadness is coming from. Is it just an adjustment to this change in your life, or is something deeper surfacing? Change can trigger feelings of loss and lack of safety, and it’s good to be aware of that. This change might bring up experiences from earlier in your life, giving you an opportunity to heal now.
Acknowledge that you’re resilient and will adjust to this new time in your life even if it’s hard. You can do hard things and come out on the other side and be ok again. Trust yourself to figure out a new routine, and it will feel normal again before you know it. Change may even create more beauty and growth in your life, like that Japanese pottery.
Rather than holding on to the past, try to be present, enjoy this moment, and recognize that there are so many good things still to come.
It can be helpful to say to yourself, “It’s just change, nothing bad is happening, it’s okay.”
Sometimes I feel like Rip Van Winkle, I fell asleep for a few minutes, and all of a sudden my children are older and leaving home. You may feel like that, however old your children are.
Do you relate? Drop a line and let me know how you cope with it.
Best wishes,
Ilana Rosenberg, Ph.D.
Founder & Clinical Director
Scarsdale Psychology Associates